In Desperate Need of Relief or A Bathroom Fic
by Charlie Chaplin 2
Summary: Final piece in the series: 1. Getting Ready, 2. Commitment, 3. Stake My Claim. Really, Mina just wants a little effort on Kunzite's part, but he just can't seem to deliver. MinaxKunz


OK, it's the last couple, Mina & Kunz! I've actually had this fic for a while, but I kind of forgot to post it here! Eek! Anyway, I don't own Sailor Moon.

I hope you enjoy this little quirky piece, it's always nice to take a -different- angle when looking at the Shitennou leader and Head Senshi's relationship.

CC2 xx

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Kei was exasperated, frustrated, embarrassed and in DESPERATE NEED OF RELIEF. But he just couldn't do it; he just couldn't pee, not with her evil eyes staring at him as if he was a two year old child. She crossed her arms and watched him expectantly.

Most likely she had quirked one eyebrow up, maybe an amused smile on her face, and she would definitely be staring at his arse, she loved his arse. He could tell all this without turning around, which didn't make it any easier. He couldn't even _pretend _that she wasn't there because he knew exactly how she thought, damn her! He knew there were disadvantages to dating someone he'd known for millennia.

"How long does it take?" She asked, slight exasperation in her voice. _She_ was annoyed?! He was trying to pee for God's sake and it was her fault his bladder was in such excruciating pain! She'd waltzed in the bathroom, golden hair swinging and high heels clicking on the marble flooring, catching him literally with his pants down, in mid-flow no less. He had frozen, and no matter how hard he tried nothing would come out. His silver eyebrows knitted in effort, his toes curled in his shoes and he clutched at himself rather painfully, 'just come on out! Please!' he thought to himself, he tried imagining waterfalls, pouring a glass of water, rivers, streams, hell he even brought up the memory of Jared pissing drunkenly against a wall of a club a few days ago…actually that last one just made the situation worse. Nothing worked.

He couldn't take it anymore, "Mina…"

"I'm not leaving!" She stomped on the grey marble, frustrated he was trying to kick her out again, "How are we supposed to live together Kei if we can't do basic things around each other?"

He tried to use reason, "We can live in the same place, but that doesn't mean we can't have boundaries, we do have different sinks."

"And only one toilet!"

He sighed and tried to be gentle, "Mina, I'd appreciate it greatly if you gave me some privacy here…" his silver eyes bored into wall in front, venting all his growing anger and anxiety towards it, hiding it from his voice.

She waved a perfectly manicured hand, "You get enough privacy at the office and when you're in your study."

"You're going to be late for work," He said evenly, despite the fact that he wanted to drop on the floor like a baby girl and cry. He gave another push, but still nothing would come out.

"I have a good excuse, I was staring at an exquisite piece of artwork," she said, trying to use humour to relax him. It was a grave miscalculation on her part, his butt cheeks clasped together immediately; he knew she was probably staring, but having her actually say it sent him to a whole new level. There was no way anything was coming out now!

These situations always made him uncomfortable, that's why he'd only lived with a girl once before and within 2 weeks they'd broken up. It wasn't his fault that he needed his space…he was just a private sort of guy. His mind raced uncontrollably, asking why he deserved such torture, maybe he'd been spoilt as a child, maybe he had some Freudian issues, maybe he was afraid of commitment, or maybe this was actually his punishment for betraying Endymion…oh God! Not that! He squeezed his eyes shut. If there was one thing that was worse than having his soul mate's deceptively angelic eyes forcibly willing him to pee, it was the thought of his betrayal to Endymion. He was doomed. His bladder was going to explode and he would die from not being able to do a number one. He could see it now, newspaper headlines flashing all over the world, "man dies from inability to go to the bathroom," "man couldn't wee", "girlfriend sobs over man's exploded bladder and kidneys." Maybe he was getting a little carried away; Mina was influencing him too much. Dear God what had he been thinking when he gave her the key to his apartment?

"Well then I'm going to be late for work!" His annoyance was staring to come through now, breaking his stone-faced wall of control. You couldn't blame him, the pain was impossible to describe. He twisted his neck to an uncomfortable angle giving her a fierce look, his cheeks red from the effort of trying to go potty.

He regretted it immediately, Mina's clear blue eyes went wide, her hands flying to her hips, her delicate nostrils were flaring and her painted red lips were set in an angry line, "Dammit Kei our relationship is more important than any job! If you don't pee in front of me within the next thirty seconds, you're getting this red spiky shoe up that well chiselled, tightly clenched derrière of yours!"

He turned back towards the toilet and pleaded with the bathroom gods to help the flow. In his current position it would be nearly impossible for him to defend himself, and Mina almost always made good on her threats. He begged, just a little drop, a tiny drip, anything!

"Kei!" Hurt showed through her voice when nothing happened.

"Mina I'm trying ok?" his voice was hoarse, and maybe a notch a little above its normal depth. She suddenly hugged him from behind, pressing her front against him. His eyes almost flew out of their sockets. He bit his tongue; she had her full breasts pressed against the small of his back, one thought flashed through his brain, Oh God I'm going to die!

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it Kei..." he felt her shoulders shake lightly, the side of her head pressed in between his shoulder blades. She sniffled. He forced himself not to bang his head against the wall; his bi-polar girlfriend seemed to unconsciously do everything physically possible to block his route to relief. She walked in on him, intimidated him, joked about his arse, threatened him, turned him on and then cried, and to top it all off, the images of Jared peeing (the lucky bastard!) and a dying Endymion kept floating through his mind. His bottom lip quivered and his eyes flew upwards to the heavens, or rather the ceiling light, which was close enough.

She clutched her arms tighter around his torso, most likely wrinkling the perfectly pressed shirt and smudging makeup on the back.

Oh, why was life so hard, he just wanted to go pee! He pushed again; it simply made it hurt more. Damn the extra glass of orange juice he had that morning! Curse all oranges!

"I just want us to be close," Mina whispered, her voice slightly muffled by his shirt, "I want you to feel comfortable around me, like we could do anything around each other."

This time he did lean his head against the wall, she let him go as he bent forward to keep her balance, after a deep breath and a painful shudder he replied as calmly as his shaking body would allow, "I do feel that way, it's just," he closed his eyes, relishing the coolness of the tiles against his fevered forehead, "it takes me a long time to adjust to being with other people, you just can't…" he paused to look for a better word, but he couldn't find one, "you can't _force_ this kind of thing."

"Peeing or being comfortable?" He heard a slight rustling noise, she was folding her arms again.

"Both!"

She was taken aback at the volume, "Well you pee in front of the other guys without a problem!" She snapped back. A sudden thought rushed through her head, was he…? It disappeared immediately, he couldn't be, she would have been able to tell that sort of thing.

"That's only because we're drunk most of the time!"

Mina couldn't argue with that. The last time they'd all gone out, Jared, Nick and Kei had stumbled into an alley way and had a competition to see who could pee the longest. She suddenly thought of an idea and made a mental note to buy vodka before she got home from work that night.

"Look Mina, I'll get used to it eventually," he said through gritted teeth, "but right now, I just really need to go. Alone." He turned around and pleaded silently with his eyes. Mina made a show of giving in, her plan forming at an alarming speed, "fine dear, make sure and come home on time tonight." She pecked his cheek and walked out, her plan would be simple but foolproof, oh yes, it was a challenge now, she wasn't exactly sure how he managed to do so, but he did. And she'd win…oh yes, she'd win. A worryingly devious smile spread across her lips but Kei didn't notice, he was too busy praying his organs wouldn't explode.

As Mina stepped out of the bathroom she heard a fast, steady flow of water fall into what she could only assume was the toilet bowl, followed by the loudest groan of satisfaction she'd ever heard Kei utter, with some exceptions of course…'enjoy it while you can sweety' her eyes sparkled with mischief as she left the room.

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Hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think!


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